My name is Jason and my sobriety date is March 21st, 2017. That is not my first sobriety date but God willing that will be my last.
I was born in Raleigh County WV and the first 4 years of my life were spent in a tiny town called Pax WV in Fayette County. I was born to a single mother who was a true product of the 70s. My father was not a part of my life. My mother was what you would call a party girl. I can remember boyfriends coming over to drink and party. I can also remember my mother being in an extremely abusive relationship where there was a lot of yelling and physical abuse.
In turn, most of my discipline came in the form of whatever was within arms reach of my mother. Often, I was kicked and hit. There was a strange thing that occurred to me because I was afraid of the person who was supposed to love me. It confused and contorted my perception of love and affection.
When I was 5 we moved to low-income apartments in Beckley located in Raleigh County. I spent most of my weekends and school breaks with my maternal grandparents on my father’s side. They tried to make up for my father’s absence and stepped in to help me grow up with values and structure. They were the only understanding of what love was that I had ever experienced. My grandfather tried to teach me a strong work ethic and skills like gardening, auto mechanics, and responsibility.
As I grew older the physical abuse by my mother continued. Often, I would sneak and call my grandmother during one of my mother’s fits of rage and they would come and get me and take me to their house. They were afraid to report anything to the authorities for fear they would never be able to see me again. Social services were much different back then than it is today.
When I was 7 my mother married my stepfather, He was a hard-working man and a Vietnam veteran. He spoke little and when he did, he spoke softly. Finally, ly there would be a man in the house. Fina,lly I would have a father! He provided for us and took care of us. We moved into his house and there was a whole new neighborhood for me to explore.
I always wished I had a big brother growing up. I often would see my friends with their siblings, and I was envious. I wished I had someone to look up to closer to my age that could take up for me. I was an only child, but I did have an older cousin. He was cool and popular. He had the cool clothes and listened to the cool music. He had friends and was into skateboarding. I remember I used to eagerly await the next time he would come over to our house for a sleepover after my parents went to bed he would get up and lock my bedroom door…then I didn’t like his sleepovers anymore. I suffered sexual abuse from my cousin for the next 6 years ifofy life. Again, my sense of love, compassion, and care was even further distorted. I was confused. How could people who say they love me hurt me like this? I was afraid to say anything and still loved my mother and my cousin. Eventually, the sexual abuse stopped, however, the physical abuse from my mother continued over the years and the hope of a flourishing relationship with my stepfather was but an afterthought. We never really connected, and he never stood up for me to my mother. Not once.
In school,l as I move through my teen years I can remember trying to play the chameleon. I would change anything about myself I thought would gain me acceptance from my peers. If it meant I changed my hair, clothes, or what I was into I would do it. I so desperately wanted to be a part of something! The bad thing is I lost myself in the process. All I saw myself as was a rejection.
When I was about 14 years old I tried alcohol for the first time and not long after that marijuana. I can remember feeling like I finally fit somewhere! I was a part of something. And the sensation took all the feelings of rejection and pain away from my consciousness. I would hang out with the older kids on the weekends and party from Friday to Sunday.
Eventually, I left home at 16 because I just couldn’t coexist with my mother any longer. After working several jobs over the next few years and staying with friends I eventually landed a job in sales. I started making decent money and was finally able to afford my apartment which I shared with my girlfriend. What I didn’t realize is that any relationship I was in would always be based on the blurred vision of love that had been bred in me my entire life. This translated into one toxic relationship after another.
I then met my future ex-wife. This lasted on and off for over 10 years. During our relationship, I suffered a back injury which led to a painkiller addiction. The downward spiral had started. Over the next 10 years I would cycle through any drug I could get my hand on. Moving through the cycles of stimulants to opiates and back again my life got completely out of control. I was arrested more times than I could count.
One day I walked in on my wife in bed with another man. It’s terrible when your spouse cheats however, when you visually see it in front of your face something inside of a man fractures. All of those feelings of not being good enough and my damaged perceptions of love and care were brought to new heights.
My wife signed custody of our now 11-year-old son to me in the divorce as she had no support from her family and decided it would be in his best interest. Unfortunately, my addictions were in overdrive as this was the only life I now knew. But I loved my son and was determined to not be like my father. My poor decisions would eventually catch up to me once again and I was arrested for a violent crime during a whirlwind of alcohol and drugs and my son was seized by CPS.
After completing home confinement at my grandparents’ house and jumping through all the hoops withCPSs I retained custody of my son and discharged my sentence. I swore once again as I had several times in the past to never get high and live that life again. I wanted to be a father.
Due to my criminal record, I was severely limited in employment opportunities. I was funneled, as so many are, into the restaurant industry. The problem was I was surrounded by other people with similar pasts. My oath to never use again was short-lived. I met a fair-weathered friend and was off to the races once again.
Within a few months, my grandmother passed away. The only true nurturing and compassionate person in my life was gone. Within six more months, my grandfather passed. Now here I sat in my mid-thirties with no formal education, no driver’s license, no bank account no hope, and a 4-year-old son to raise.
My friend told me that I could make my drugs and with that information started the beginning of the end. Over the next 4 months, methamphetamine took over. When people say it could always be worse, they aren’t lying. My life revolved around using and using in a way I never imagined possible. Eventually, my house was raided by 5 agencies. There were 6 adults, 3 children under the age of 12 and there were 4 active meth labs when they entered my home. I was arrested and looking at 30 years in prison and the family home was condemned.
Once again CPS showed up. As the entire neighborhood was lit up with cop cars and I sat on the front porch in had cuffs a worker escorted my son to her car. He turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy, I love you I’ll never forget you.” Those words still haunt me to this day. Life would never be the same.
I sat in jail knowing if I would ever see the light of day or be able to see my son again. Would I ever be there for school ball games? Would I be there when he has his first girlfriend? Would I be able to see him get his first job or go to college? Would I ever actually get to be a father?
After several months I was offered the chance to go to treatment as a condition of bond. Choosing the lesser of two evils I agreed to go to Recovery Point of Huntington in hopes of a reduced sentence. A case worker picked me up from jail and I was on my way!
I showed up with the clothes on my back, nobody to ca, ll and broken. The first person I spoke to turned out to be the Peer Mentor supervisor who saidWelcomeome to a power greater than yourself.” This statement only confused me. He then proceeded to tell me he was glad I was there and took me for a urine screen, followed by lunch. I sat scared and confused but relieved to be out of jail. I started to navigate the program and found hope in seeing others with smiles. They would often hug me and say “Love you, brother.”
Brother……That word that I longed for as a child was spoken frequently here. I started to work on myself and move through the program. I had hope, I had direction, And I was finally a part of something. However, it didn’t come easy. Being new to this my character defects were in full effect and view of everyone around me. I found growth in the community circle 3 mornings a week. My peers showed me what true love and correction look like and it didn’t come in the form of abuse.
I completed the program 13 months later and started checking off the boxes. I got my license, car, and job, and eventually after staying with a friend for a few months a place. Unfortunately, I held a reservation that I could still use successfully and relapsed. I then returned to RecoveryPointt on March 21st, 2017, for the final time as a client. I once again was met with the same open arms that held me 2 years earlier. I completed a 90-day Refocus program and moved to the next chapter in my life.
Once again, I obtained employment and continued to fulfill all the requirements of CPS. I also remained in compliance with Probation which was gracefully offered to me during my time at Recovery Point as an alternative sentence with the conditions of completing the program and gaining employment and housing. I got my place and not long after I retained full custody of my son!
My next step was to continue to grow my recovery and use the tools learned at Recovery Point to move through life. I got involved. I started volunteering at local treatment facilities and sober living homes to give back and help others.
At an outreach event, I was struck by a large table filled with sweets and desserts and standing by the table was a woman that would further change my life forever. We started talking and were the last to leave. I am pleased to say that I have talked to that woman every single day and on May 22 we will be married for 5years.
She shared with me how she lost a close loved one to overdose death and he was an alumnus of The Healing Place now Recovery Point of Huntington. Her grief drove her to advocate for recovery and share her story. This turned into us starting the nonprofit More than Addiction which focuses on reducing stigma and changing the narrative around substance use disorder and mental health. We can speak in schools all across West Virginia spreading hope and humanizing SUD by sharing real stories of real people. We are active members of our church, doing outreach work frequently.
At the start of our marriage, we purchased our home and were able to provide a safe and balanced life for our son. That’s right, my wife adopted our son, and he is hers just as much as he is mine.
I now work for a Licensed Behavioral Health providing Peer Recovery Support service and supportive counseling in 2 sober living homes in the Charleston area. I see myself in so many of my guys and I love to see that hope arise in their eyes. I have a purpose.
Recovery has given me a life I never thought I could have. I have positive people in my life who care about me and my well-being I have found a passion for helping others to know that they are not a product of their surroundings. That we are all unique and worthy of love. That we are all truly More than Addiction. I credit this to Recovery Point, the men who loved me until I could love myself, and a loving God who never gave up on me.